It’s the Same, It’s Different

Thursday, June 30th

Our week in Xi’an is coming to a close. I have enjoyed Xi’an but I am starting to get a bit weary and look forward to the second half of the adoption journey. The first week is spent in your child’s province. Cameron is from Xi’an in the province of Shaanxi. The actual adoption is done in China, and as I mentioned on Monday, Cameron officially became a Murray on Geoff’s birthday. It took several hours of paperwork and it was finished in the afternoon in China. It was after midnight in Boston so Cameron literally became a Murray when it was Monday, June 27th in Boston and Monday, June 27th in China. It’s very special to us.

The rest of the week involves getting official paperwork that is the equivalent of a birth certificate/abandonment certificate in China, his passport, etc. As soon as the passport is ready, as in immediately, you can leave the province and head to Guangzhou. This international city used to be known as Canton and is the location of the US Consulate. All families who are adopting must go to Guangzhou to get a medical physical and have a visa appointment. In fact, the entire travel itinerary revolves around the visa appointment.

At this point, I have been Cameron’s mom for 4 nights and the first night was only a temporary 24 hour agreement called the “harmonious period.” There are so many things here that make me chuckle and that phrase is one of them. For most families, the first day is FAR from harmonious! Monday was an entire day of adoption paperwork, passport photos, and a shopping trip to the equivalent of Walmart to buy supplies. Most things were much cheaper except the umbrella stroller which I begrudgingly spent 199 yuan on ($31.21)- more than what I spent on umbrella strollers in the States! The exchange rate is currently awful.

Tuesday was my sacrificial gift to my husband of going to the Terra Cotta Warrior Museum in 110 degrees. Now if you ever find yourself in Xi’an, this museum is a must. I was lucky enough to have been to Xi’an in September of 2000 so I was not interested in doing any of the tour sites. Let’s look at this honestly. I am trying to get to know a 28 month old little Chinese boy who has no language skills. Not only does he not understand English, but he is also very language delayed in Chinese due to his cleft lip and palate. A museum intended for adults is not exactly where I want to get to know a toddler. However, it did prove to me one thing- parenting Cameron is exactly the same as parenting Gretchen and Madelyn.

Well, almost…

Here is what feels exactly the same:
• 2 year olds love to be in shopping carts (for about 5 minutes). Then they prefer to get out of the shopping cart, even if it is unsafe and tipping, and attempt to push it which crashes crowded aisles of Chinese products and causes stares as well as frantic employees yelling at me in Chinese. After that, they just prefer to run through the aisles and see if you will chase them.
• 2 year olds prefer to drink what you are drinking even when they have their own bottle or cup. After a few sips of the coveted liquid, they then prefer to “do it all by themselves” and grab the cup and push you away and then subsequently spill your drink all down themselves. No matter to them, they then have their drink which they happily suck down.
• 2 year olds go from happily playing to throwing things at you and wailing when it is naptime. It is a good idea to not be out and about during this time. Otherwise, you are trying to get a kicking, screaming, arching their back toddler into a stroller to get back to a hotel (or home) as soon as you can. This has been very challenging for me in the States but it is nothing compared to what it is like doing this in China!
• Eating in restaurants with 2 year olds is not fun for anyone- the toddler, the parent, the waitress staff or the other patrons! (I have already had to pay for a spoon that he broke by whipping it across the restaurant.)
• Some of the other things about Cameron that feel very similar to being mama to Gretchen and Madelyn are his belly laugh when I tickle him, his insistence on playing with my sunglasses instead of wearing his, his obsession with shoes (wearing them and taking them off repeatedly in inopportune times), his desire to push his stroller instead of riding in it, his desire to be near me at all times even if I am using the bathroom or taking a shower, a constant opening and clicking closed the belts on his stroller, high chair and backpack and last but not least, his love of all things chocolate.

There are also many things that are not at all the same as parenting Gretchen and Madelyn. Here is a short sample:
• When Cameron eats, food comes out of his nose. How do you say “I need to have another surgery repair asap” in Chinese?
• Gretchen and Madelyn both have advanced language skills (no, I don’t know where they get that from) and Cameron will be in speech therapy for years.
• Cameron exhibits orphanage type behaviors when he is tired or stressed, such as moving his head back and forth over and over again to fall asleep. He doesn’t bang his head like many children do, but he rocks it in a way that makes me cry inside, knowing that he developed this because he never had a mom or a dad to put him to bed at night.
• Cameron hates stuffed animals and loves cars.
• Cameron does not like things with a red tomato-based sauce (boy, I hope this one changes).
• Cameron prefers to climb or hang upside down from any piece of furniture rather than sit down in it to read a book with me.

Tomorrow is supposed to be when we can pick up his passport and head to the airport. I am not looking forward to flying with this little man, I can tell you that. If his inability to sit for 5 minutes in a cab is indicative of anything, it is that this is going to be a looooong 3 hour flight to Guangzhou!